The blog life has been tough lately. Trying to find words to put out in the world has been more daunting than at any other time to this point (17 weeks in y’all!).
Stress from work, lots of visitors/traveling, and general worries make most things I can come up with an incoherent mess.
I’ve started posts, stopped them, rage-ranted, brain-dumped and still nothing intelligible.
The big questions start creeping in at the corners: What are you doing with your life? How can you plan your career out? Where is this all getting you?
The self-pressure has gotten the better of me lately.
As much as I try to take the “be gentle to yourself” reminders seriously, my nature is not content to float through life. The doer, the planner and the fixer is strong with this one.
Additionally, my life this year seems to be pretty in sync with an aspect of Maine I (for some reason) didn’t expect to impact me: the seasonal economy.
Life in a seasonal economy is rough. It means looking for a job every few months, wondering where your next check will come from, and depending on that ever-unknowable force, the weather.
As I try to figure out what the next season will hold for me, ability-to-eat-loan-payment-wise, it puts me back in a space of doubt I try to avoid.
Doubt is natural, healthy and can at times clarify things in a new light, however this current funk is just dragging me down.
“No single decision you ever made has led in a straight line to where you find yourself now. You peeked down some roads and took a few steps before turning back. You followed some roads that came to a dead end and others that got lost at too many intersections. Ultimately, all roads are connected to all other roads.”